What is wrong with me? Why am I so terrible at managing my money?
This is a question that gets asked A LOT. Oh, ladies everywhere, hear me when I say… there is not one single thing that is wrong with you when it comes to managing your money. Nothing. Nada.
You see, saying that there is “something wrong” with you implies that you are fundamentally flawed. Broken. Defective. It infers that your very genetic make-up is faulty and the reason you struggle comes from the core of your inner-being.
When you feel flawed and broken, you feel less than. You forget the strength that you have and you discredit how valuable you actually are.
However, that simply is not the case. As a complex, intelligent, unique human being, you were created exactly as you were intended to be. In fact, everything that it takes to be successful is already inside of you. Your value is far beyond measure. And, believe it or not, that value doesn’t come from something so irrelevant as how well you manage your money.
So, let me say it again… there is nothing wrong with you.
The truth is that successfully managing your money boils down to just two things:
Money Skills. Managing money is a skill set. Much like learning to play the piano, you must be taught how to do it. And even after you learn, you still have to practice all the time to become great at it. It seems ridiculous for someone to say, “Why am I so terrible at playing the piano?” when they’ve never sat down to one, never had lessons, never taken the time to practice. There is nothing innately flawed about the person because they don’t know how to make music. They just simply never learned how to play.
Interior Finance. There are often very strong emotions that we feel when it comes to our finances. Couple that with the complex chemical reactions that take place in our brain whenever we are dealing with money and it is no wonder that sometimes we aren’t quite successful at managing it. However, even when emotions and physiology are getting in the way of your financial success, it is not because you are broken or defective. Your body and mind are working how they were created to. Think of it more as a house that needs to be put into order. Having a bunch of junk in the house doesn’t make the house broken. It just makes it hard to live in. Learning HOW to clean out the house takes work, and sometimes you need a little extra help to get the job done.
If you struggle with money it is because of some limitation in one (or maybe even both) of these two areas. There is no other reason. Most certainly, it is NOT because you are broken in some way.
All that being said. Sometimes, it is still sooo easy to hear yourself say, “I stink.”
So, let’s digress and take a minute to talk about that little voice that each one of us hears in our own head. I’m talking about that little every day normal voice that sounds a lot like you… but more like a jerk.
This is the voice of opposition. This is likely a voice that you are very familiar with and it is possibly one you hear quite frequently. Opposition keeps you from getting to enjoy your true-self. You’re too busy feeling the negativity to experience confident and happy. That is what opposition wants. It is the voice that keeps going on and on in your head about what you messed up, or what you can’t do right, or why you are less than. This voice WANTS you to fail. It wants you to give up, and it whispers words to your mind that sound like,
I suck.
Why bother?
I never get it right.
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Remember the old Tom and Jerry cartoons where Tom would try to figure out what to do in a certain situation? He’d have an angel sitting on one shoulder and the devil sitting on the other. Both would take turns trying to win him over by telling him what to do. Opposition is like that little devil and it is trying to derail you at every turn by making you believe that you are flawed and broken and less than.
If you constantly find that you’re feeling internally criticized when it comes to your money, it’s time to shut that ol’ devil on your shoulder up!
The easiest way to beat opposition at its own game is to think of it in the third-person. Think of it as that little devil whispering into your ear, entirely distinct from yourself. Sometimes, it is easiest for our brains to process situations if we view them as separate from us. I mean, do you really want to berate yourself for berating yourself? No way! So don’t. Berate opposition instead. He’s the one whispering all those nasty little thoughts to your mind, after all.
Here are three tips to help fight all that negativity in your mind.
1: Define what your true-self is. What do you look like, feel like, act like? What does it take to get to this version of you? This is your center, where you want to be. Remember, you can recognize your true-self as the person you are when you are feeling awesome, when you are ten feet tall and bullet-proof and there is nothing in the world that can stop you. You are totally on your game. Come what may, you’ve got it handled. That my friend, is the true-you. Write this version of yourself down to help you remember when you just can’t seem to find her.
2: Notice when you are not feeling like your true-self. It may be that something is just a little “off” or it may be that you are having a full-blown terrible time. Once you recognize what is going on, think about what it was that opposition whispered to you to get you to this point. Remember, he is the master of taking what actually is and distorting it to make you feel like trash. That’s his game. See it for what it is.
3: Tell that stinkin’ little devil to get lost! Literally. Get angry about it. Scream it out loud, if you need to. If it wasn’t for that little jerk, you’d be rockin’ your true-self. He’s taking that away from you and that’s a good reason to be mad. Tell him so. Tell him he’s not welcome in your head. Be fierce about it! Physiologically speaking, a good dose of those fight chemicals in your brain can do a lot to clear those opposition-type thoughts out of your mind. Just remember who you are fighting (the little devil). You should only be angry long enough to get opposition out of your head. Once he is gone, let it go. Now, you have the space you need to re-center and show the world (and yourself) the true, inspired, unstoppable you.
Most importantly, remember, you are unique and valuable. No matter what you do, or where you go, that value is infinite. It cannot be measured and it doesn’t diminish. Period. So go out, enjoy your true-you and know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You totally got this!
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